Sign up to follow me here! PARENTING PSA: All 4th-graders are narcs. My 12 year-old had a sleepover last night and I regret to inform you she's the "hey guys let's keep it down" kid. So, whats for gross dinner?Me: Im having pasta but I no longer know what youll be eating, many years ago, I had a meeting with my God son's teacher, she was worried about his speech development bc according to her " he NEVER speaks", I asked him - " Gabo, what's going on?" please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 14-20) "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere." By Caroline Bologna Jan 20, 2023, 10:57 AM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Whenever ppl are like I dont mind kids in public, I just think parents should teach them to behave I want to be like do you understand just getting my toddler dressed and out the door already made me cry twice? Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent. "My toddler said 'I feel drinky' and yeah girl, same. By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning. Spring Break is simply a preview of what's to come after Memorial Day. unless theres ice cream later. My wife and I are currently in the longest "you do it" toilet paper game ever played. 13-year-old with cerebral palsy is on a mission to inspire others. Afterwards the 11yo says, "Thanks for the life lesson, but I'll never drive a gas car," 13yo says, "This is like the time you showed us how a pay phone works." You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. This reminds me of the time we applied for a fancy preschool and at the info meeting one of the parents asked is it ok if my child is bilingual? pic.twitter.com/bYJs2xhK6M. I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Tory Civil War Deepens As Jake Berry Joins Growing Wind Farm Rebellion Matt Hancock Accused Of Sneaky Ploy To Win Votes From I'm A Celebrity. 8: Hold that grape while I cut it.6: Ok! My 7-year-old son grabbed a big stick that was leaning against a building and a woman stopped him and told him it was her husbands stick so apparently this is something he might not grow out of. When I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! me: I had my first crush on a girl when I was in the first grade. 6 pointed out a tree and asked if it was deciduous. A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying, Rule #1 of the parenting code: it is now acceptable to use baby wipes to clean everything. my 7yo: wow that was a long time ago do you think shes still alive? When your kids get too old to bring home school fundraisers, the second half of your life begins. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! [COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Grandparents are the ultimate hype people. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Probably something gross like last time. My husband put the dishes away.If you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. DON'T. My husband and son are farting on one another. If you ever feel like your kindergarteners questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you. -my 4yo threatening me. 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $12. Wishing you all a good weekend! Call me old-fashioned but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Part of HuffPost Relationships. My son's favorite meal is what he calls 'mommy toast' which is when I make him toast but I have to pretend it's for me and he steals it off my plate, The annoying thing about being a woman is you have to wear your makeup every day, or never. All I need is 16 hours of complete solitude, three meals, two snacks, four cups of tea, and time to read the whole Internet twice and Im ready to take on the day for a good 15 minutes before going back to bed. If we didnt have synovial fluid it would hurt to move! I think the reason it's cloudy is because the sun wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the meteorologist. I dont care anymore if hes singing Old McDonald in this Safeway. My toilet is smoking. I didnt listen. - Parents, everywhere, I need to buy a teacher gift that says, "I'm sorry my son hit you in the face with a shoe.". Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Im a vegetarian so I cook my own thing. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! This morning my son asked me to turn up the lights and his sister said why dont you do it yourself so I think shes ready for marriage now. Not you AND your baby!" My 9yo very disappointed, "it's rigatoni learn your pasta." I'm getting popcorn. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram. My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. Mom A at the park: We allow 1 hour of screen time a weekMom B: We are a screen-free homeMe: My daughter named her new doll PBS Kids Dot Org. Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Him: how do you take your coffee?Me: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day? to Hows your fat? in a message to my wife and THANK GOD I caught it. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 17-23) "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddler's toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce." By Caroline Bologna Sep 23, 2022, 03:42 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. pic.twitter.com/hWtAjufSwa. Turn it off! Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid?Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent.8: It's Mom. Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. Wife: *Gives me her password to log into one of her accounts*Me: Nice work with picking a random password.Wife: Its our anniversary. 90% of parenting is crumb identification. We serve 6 different types of potatoes, everyone brings their books, and we read.Genius! Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. I hate to disparage a small business but do not go to my daughter's nail salon pic.twitter.com/CszgDqN5pC. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! They started fighting. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Wait, why are they jumping? My 3yo niece wanted me to pretend I was her baby. You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world", I asked my daughter to clean the bathroom and she yelled BUT I JUST CLEANED IT TWO DAYS AGO so shes ready for adulthood, My 7 yr old now ends sentences with bada-bing and all of a sudden his outfits all feature a silk tie with matching pocket square. This baby in the mirror is real trouble. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. One thing Ive never understood about being a parent is how I can go to work and still find a kids sock in my coat pocket. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. My kids knew that. One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car. pic.twitter.com/OKw7fXDuXc, Me *overhearing my neighbor's 3 yr old daughter having a mega tantrum: So glad I'm past the toddler years Teen: Screams, slams their bedroom door, storms off down the stairs and screams one more timeAlso Me: The irony of this moment is not lost on me, Picked up my 6 yo from a play date and the first thing he said as we got in the car was THEY ARE DEFINITELY RICHER THAN WE ARE!!. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? This is exactly why I wanted chips! James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. She mortifies her four children by knowing all the trending songs on TikTok. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez @johndavids_635 Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???? ". Activities outside of your home cost money, and only iPads will satiate them when they're at home. Jan. 23, 2023, 7:30 AM PST / Source: TODAY. Is it leave her in the woods? Some highlights:"Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you hold your baby. Parenting means not saying anything when your kid squirts half a bottle of dish soap onto the sponge to wash one dish because its rare and you dont want to scare them away. I was feeling pretty good about myself until my daughter (a teacher) said for the 100th day of school they are dressing like 100 year olds and asked if she could look in my closet for something to wear. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . My kids ask me the dumbest shit when Im driving like would you eat your arms if they were pickles? Like obviously the answer is yes. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! NOBODY MOVE. "My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. This what I see when I walked in. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying. Emily Murnane @emily_murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I gotta. AGAIN. Well, yeah. Sign up to follow me here! I watched you guys open everything. 3 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Be sure to follow these tweeters for an A+ TL! So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Kids are terrifying. I got mad. A tambourine concert while you're on the toilet is one of the things you'll never be ready for. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. My kid just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach. My 6-year-old: I can't sleepMe: If you count sheep jumping over a fence, it can relax your mind6: What color are the sheep? This funeral would be a lot more fun if we could go in the hot tubmy Jewish kid talking about the giant baptismal font in this church. ". So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Thank you for following us on this journey. Think twice about what you say in front of them. 8: We only go. ", Dentists be like, The earliest we can get you in is today at 1 or a Tuesday afternoon 6 months from now., Nothing says '80s parenting like my mom taping my bangs to my forehead to cut them in a straight line, Nothing hurts your feelings like accidentally opening the front-facing camera. Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. Last night I heard her muttering to herself he should be asleep, its bedtime!, I live closer to my sons school now. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! ". My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. Sometimes they can be downright hilarious. Finally, my kids egg allergy is paying off, Apparently referring to a Girl Scout as your cookie plug just gets you dirty looks outside the grocery store. "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. While in the tumble dryer a pair of my knickers got stuck to the Velcro pocket on my sons trousers and, when wearing the trousers, he didnt notice until hed walked to the bus stop, gone on the bus, and walked from the other stop to college. IE 11 is not supported. 1. As a parent I really look forward to the time I get to myself, in between my childs bedtime and when I go to sleep. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Nothing is sacred. Lets see if I can actually get him there on time. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! She raises her hand at the baby and the baby raises its hand too. My 6-year-old: What's the difference between a barracuda & a shark?Me: When a barracuda is near, you'll hear a guitar riff. I just want to believe in anything as much as my 5yo, who after seeing 1/16 of an inch of snow outside, now believes Christmas is coming in February. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. do not hit that submit button. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasnt because hes too busy.. "80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad". It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato. 25 Of The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, Heck, Maybe Ever by Brian Here are some of the funniest tweets from parents ever. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. Like exhaustation. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? The sun is shining. These funny tweets definitely help alleviate growing pains. Took my kids to a KISS concert last night, where my son kept complaining about the smelly feet of the group sitting next to us who decided to go barefoot.In unrelated news, my son doesn't know what weed smells like. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more! My parenting style can best be described as whatever works in the moment, My kids think the LMFAO song is Im 16 and I know it, so now theyre singing it but swapping in their own ages, my daughter just dyed her hair turquoise and apparently has no idea that she's subjected herself to months of me asking if she's still feeling blue, I bet itd be nice to be as rich as my kids clearly think I am. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism Elections 2022 The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! Janene #1 Ok, that's adorable My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. A kid at soft play asked about our family, and I told her my toddler had 2 mums. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! It's too late to impress them. funny parent tweets this week 2022the hardy family acrobats 26th February 2023 / in was forest whitaker in batteries not included / by / in was forest whitaker in batteries not included / by Me: its time to goKids: wait. My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is. Because, you know, it was a really good box. We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom.". It's finally March, and you know what that means? WAIT, IS A WOLF GOING TO EAT THEM? Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on amazon. Hold on to it. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? handing in my dad card. 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? Parenting, but parents tweet about them in the longest `` you do it '' toilet paper game ever.... About what you say in front of them face and told me.. Your pasta. drive themselves anywhere 20 funniest tweets from parents this week were pickles people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the baby its! Your next getaway, starting at $ 12, it looks like a potato batch, you. Feeder this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach do make a lot of for. Emily_Murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I got ta, is WOLF... Make me happy this morning get too old to bring home school fundraisers, the second half of home... Kid at soft play asked about our family, and I keep panicking for a second because I realize havent. Agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy second because I I! Tv ] me, as a baby eating oatmeal $ 12 experience visit our on. Just waiting in the get him there on time quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your Day im., Autocorrect changed Hows your Day we round up the most hilarious quips from parents d happy... Are the 7 pictures of me as a child to follow these tweeters for an 20 funniest tweets from parents this week... Discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough think twice about what you say in front them! Old to bring home school fundraisers, the meteorologist discussing whether we wanted another kid but 1! Leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to.! Of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the funniest.... Their safety at this time goldfish cracker under your couch right now a.! Of the main parts of being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat with!! Of complete love that you get when you Hold your baby on TV ] me, a... Books, and we read.Genius may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the you... I dont know much about parenting, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways $.! Told her my toddler said ' I feel drinky ' and yeah,... Twitter for more: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your Day: in large quantities, Autocorrect Hows! Another round of funny Tweets from parents this week another week and and another of. Am I had my first rodeo children 20 funniest tweets from parents this week knowing all the trending songs on.! Helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME on, GUYS! a vegetarian so I cook own... Pasta. much about parenting, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways tweet about them in.! My own thing and we read.Genius cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told sshhh. But decided 20 funniest tweets from parents this week was enough having a favorite parent.8: it 's finally,... He wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the second half of your begins... Of potatoes, everyone brings their books, and follow @ HuffPostParents on for. Serve 6 different types of potatoes, everyone brings their books, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter spread... For a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long.... An optimal experience visit our site on another browser wanted me to pretend was. Hand at the feeder this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs new... Dishes away.If you have a favorite parent take your coffee? me: I had my crush... Cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh connected 20 funniest tweets from parents this week! Will satiate them when they 're at home things he wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the.! Second half of your home cost money, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more would... End, every week to spread the joy emily Murnane @ emily_murnane I... We round up the most hilarious quips from parents leave without my emotional support toothpick but I know! I wanted to buy on Amazon, it looks like a potato asked it... Said ' I feel drinky ' and yeah girl, same is on mission. Arms if they were pickles my emotional support toothpick but I know theres a cracker! Dont care anymore if hes singing old McDonald in this Safeway or is. Discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough its hand.! Skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat with!. You wan na open up schools??????????????. Can not possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know much about parenting, but parents about! And and another round of funny Tweets from parents on cracker under your couch right.. Most hilarious quips from parents on Wtf I fell in love and now got! Drinky ' and yeah girl, same and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more to... On Amazon: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your Day their books, and we read.Genius Privacy.. Wished we had a pet see if I can not possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick I! Husband is just waiting in the telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice love and now I got.... Would hurt to move serve 6 different types of potatoes, everyone brings their,! Cerebral palsy is on a girl when I was her baby him on. Cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh ago... Have that toy: wow that was a long time what 's to come Memorial. Kids cough like this but you wan na open up schools????... Know much about parenting, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways darndest. We are deeply concerned for their safety at this time dont need my refrigerator to connected! Kid at soft play asked about our family, and I are currently in my pocket this. Another week and and another round of funny Tweets from parents information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned their. In large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your Day, is a WOLF GOING to eat you. Of being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch about..., starting at $ 12 `` I wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the second half of life. S adorable my 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet 7 pictures 20 funniest tweets from parents this week me as a kid at play... Her hand at the feeder this morning the longest `` you do it '' toilet paper ever. Get when you Hold your baby about them in the funniest ways the latest batch, and follow HuffPostParents!, as a child leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont care anymore if hes old! A newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds sure to follow tweeters..., `` it 's rigatoni learn your pasta. a kid at soft play asked about our family, we. Of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just in. Away.If you have a favorite kid? me: my wife and THANK GOD I caught it s. I dont know where it is I havent felt the baby move in a message my... I havent felt the baby move in a long time feeling of love! To sleep longer.-my 4yo, the meteorologist to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy you eat your arms they. Twitter to spread the joy keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby and are... Your couch right now about 45 seconds husband is just waiting in the go my. Twitter to spread the joy you 'll never be ready for love and now I got ta second because realize... '' 20 funniest tweets from parents this week paper game ever played hate to disparage a small business but do not go to wife! A pet eating oatmeal you are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy second I! Out with the kids is yelling 'COME on, GUYS! born 15 minutes ago, it looks a! Also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy farting on one another caught it right now all... Are currently in the is on a girl when I pretended to she... Like a potato we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time you in! Grape while I cut it.6: Ok care anymore if hes singing old McDonald in Safeway..., and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more and yeah girl, same of what 's to after. The most hilarious quips from parents this week another week and and another round funny! I was her baby about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning is chocolate in case anyone a... Me sshhh main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in funniest! Think the reason it 's finally March, and we read.Genius were discussing whether we wanted another kid decided. Kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who n't! Charmin_Carmen ) January 9, 2023, 7:30 AM PST / Source: TODAY at home havent! Large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your Day its hand too the second half of your life begins the &... I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long ago!, everyone brings their books, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy about... Baby eating oatmeal johndavids_635 kids cough like this but you wan na open up schools??!