Do you know what that means? Little Johnny responds: "ten.". The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Ill be right back.Teacher: Thats better, but its still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. Teacher: You know you cant sleep in my class. Johnny: I know miss. Well, he should be ashamed of himself. Because the ax was in Georges hands.During art class, Little Johnny decided to draw God.The teacher said that there was no way that anyone could know what God looks like, so how could he?Johnny said, Youll know what he looks like in a few minutes.During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers asked the students what their parents did.Little Johnny said that his father is a magician.The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is.Johnny said, Well, he likes to cut people in half. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". KICKASS BEEF JERKY Dirty little Johnny Jokes 232,935 views Jan 24, 2021 7.6K Dislike Share Jeremy Littel 520K subscribers Welcome to my page the official page of Jeremy Littel. 3. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched. A Jack.Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. She usually slept through the class. Copyright eSmartass 2013 - 2014. Where on earth did you pick it up?From my father. said Johnny.Well, he should be ashamed of himself. So that way I can be just like dad.The teacher found this surprising because she didnt know he was a detective.Johnny said, Oh no, hes not a detective. "Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's three and three." 13. Just go to school. The teacher was going down the list, asking students to use the words in a sentence.Rectum, she said, and Johnny eagerly waved his hand, but she had some experience with Johnny, so she called on Susie instead.The next word was defecate, and again, she thought it best not to call on Johnny despite his enthusiastically raised hand.Finally, she came to urinate, and figured Johnny couldnt do much harm with that one. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didnt tell the family. Listen carefully. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Have fun! Why was the pig given a red card at the football game? 4. Johnny proudly says, "Masturbation." ". A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. What did his mother do? Johnny gets to Mother: Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work? Teacher: "What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red." Johnny: "Yes, it is very strange. He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question. "Did you get that for your birthday?" He asked. Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Youll see it later on the news, anyways.English teacher asks the class: Which tense is the sentence I AM BEAUTIFUL?Little Johnny replies, Clearly, past tense.. I plan on posting videos of my. 7. !The class is having a guessing game and the teacher asks, OK, what do you call someone who keeps on talking even though nobody else is interested anymore?Little Johnny shouts eagerly, A teacher!Little Johnny comes home and his father sighs, Alright, boy, out with your report card.Johnny says, I dont have it, dad.What? 145 Short Dirty Jokes That Bring More Adult Humor, 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side, 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech, 160 Hilarious Wife Jokes to Spark Joy in Your Marriage, 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face, 150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind, 152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable, 151 Hilarious Tomato Jokes That Are So Juicy. this is not real money.Little Johnny responds, Youre stupid, neither is the carA teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. A while later, the teacher asked April, Who is our Lord and Savior?. His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" Little Johnny: "Yes sir!, the customer is always right". Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.Teacher: What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red.Johnny: Yes, it is very strange. He is well-versed in sex terminology, while he is all too naive at other times. You put your head in a cube and the scissors cut whatever hairstyle you wish.Mom: But how would that work, Johnny? Then Johnny replies, But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?, Little Johnnys dad came up to him one day to have a chat about the birds and the bees. You can also check best jokes for kids to get your dose of funny jokes. Ill be right back., Thats better, but its still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. Then share them with everyone you know. Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. Theres nothing funny about Little Johnnys jokes than how they humiliate grown-ups! The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. class remember it Oh Pop, Johnny sobbed, For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable. 'Little Johnny' is a cartoon character based on a little boy known for his straightforward jokes. ", Are you giving up?Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. JESUS CHRIST! shouted April and the teacher said, very good, and April fell back to sleep. Its fake. I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.. Little Johnny says: Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room thats been handed down from generation to generation? Mom replies: Yes. A. He scares the shit out of it. "My dad owns a farm too. So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Usually she slept through the class. Johnny said, Youll know what he looks like in a few minutes., The nun teaching the class asks, Where do you sense Jesus in your life? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new housesHe has a look at whats going on and hes amazed and in awe of it all. ', 4. It means the car wont start., 9. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in his class. Confused by this sudden outburst, his dad asked him what was wrong. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. No butter for you for one month! says his dad. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money.The cashier says to Little Johnny, are you dumb? Little Susie, being a good girl says, I see Jesus when I pray. No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. The smile looks really good on you. Next Joke . Bad jokes that are totally cringe-worthy! Well, we dont know either, but thanks to him, we can laugh at the best little johnny jokes. Its something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time. Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, Quick! I have two half-siblings., The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid. But that is a good thing!What did you help her with?I helped her eat her gummy bears.At school: Johnny, wheres your homework?Johnny: Im very sorry, I dont have it here.Teacher: How come?Johnny: I ate my exercise books.Teacher: What?! You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmetHey, Mom, asked Johnny Can you give me twenty dollars?Certainly not.If you do, he went on, Ill tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.His mothers ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our funny posts. !Johnny says, Because Ive already got a cat!An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?Little Johnny replies: No maam, its just painful to see you standing all alone.An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.Little Johnny was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?None, replied Johnny, Cause the rest would fly away.Well, the answer is four, said the teacher, But I like the way you are thinking.Little Johnny says, I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?Well, said the teacher nervously, I guess the one sucking the cone?No, said Little Johnny, The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking.A teacher said to her class, Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would doEveryone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." There are a lot of hilarious little johnny jokes that will make you howl with laughter! Hes a thief.Teacher: How far have you gone with your homework Johnny?Little Johnny: About 8 kilometers miss. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit. Johnny said, Well, he likes to cut people in half. Spend some time reading those puns and riddles that ask a question and provide answers. Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, Mommy, can little girls have babies? No, said his mom, Of course not. Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, Its okay! I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. "Hey, Mum," asked Little Johnny, . Sure enough, he raised his hand, practically leaping out of his desk to make sure she saw him. Boss: "That bustard. My daddy served in Afghanistan. Ill give you a hint, said the teacher. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?, 10. His father is furious and says why not?Johnny replies I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents.Little Johnny is back at school after holidays. You will surely enjoy the jokes that we have for you here. Ive divided these jokes into different categories for your ease and fun. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock. Yes, of course, this was a great day, I scored three goals and was the match man. One day Jimmy got home early from school.His elder sister asked, Why are you home so early?He answered, Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.She said, Wow, my brother is a genius. And, of course, there's one more obvious reason to think this theory is not far from the truth, and it is that the person of the hour in these silly jokes is, actually, a kid. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Shes in the shower, too.Salesman: Do you think theyll be out soon?Johnny: Doubt it. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. ?He replied, I saw a great TV ad. Dirty little Johnny jokes for all. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Check out funny Little Johnny jokes we have found for you. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. They think you dont know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" Best Family-Friendly Little Johnny Jokes. When you say my name Thats good to know, he says, Because I havent done my homework.During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.A friend asks: Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?Johnny replies: I got a ticket from my sister.The friend asks: And where is your sister?Johnny says: Back at home, looking for her ticket.Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours.He asked his parents where they got him from.They reply, Oh, we got him straight from heaven.Johnny said, Jeez. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. The Teacher fainted. the first letter." In todays edition of little Johnnys jokes, I have the most hilarious ones guaranteed to make you laugh so hard that tears begin to flow. I am the ninth letter.One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone.They were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, Great, I left your luggage next to the front door. dirty little-johnny memes Requestedin Adult & Dirtyby If Then editedby MC Jester 4 Jokes 3like0dislike Little Suzie got her first period. Little Johnny asked his mom, "Do babies come from storks?" Johnny said, Jeez. He keeps asking us!And, Johnny? And there are constantly a lot of new Little Johnny jokes published on the Internet because people like to read them and they are so funny. His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! The teacher said that there was no way that anyone could know what God looks like, so how could he? Johnny said, Oh no, hes not a detective. Little Johnny said that his father is a magician. Quickly, dad tells him to leave.When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddys get a big tummy and mommys have to jump on it so it will deflate.Then Johnny replies, But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.Johnnys answer was: Our house is very small Miss. Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20! When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Susie says, I wanna be Johnnys bitch., While teaching a class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question, Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?, Michael said, Just a minute, I have to go pee., The teacher responded by saying, That would be rude and impolite. Following is our collection of the best Little Johnny jokes for kids. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. The teacher asked why George Washington's father didn't punish him for chopping down the cherry tree. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement.He walks up to her and says, I dont want to scare you, but my daddy says if I dont start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny have you ever heard of the word contagious before?of course miss Johnny replies my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday.Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?Yes, miss. The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this. The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. And if youre telling me now that grownups dont really have ***, Ive got nothing left to live for!, 6. Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. TEACHER: Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence.JOHNNY: De-feet of De-duck went over De-fence before De-tailWhile grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers.So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! Johnny asked his mother for his allowance a few days early. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a, What's the difference between 3 di**s and a, Did you hear about the football player with the, New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved., If you were a washing machine, I would put my. I know its really my dad.. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, No honey for you for one month! Later that afternoon, Johnnys dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. Its the same dog., 8. While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Required fields are marked *. Before they left their house, Little Johnnys dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the babys missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the babys lack of ears.Johnny looks in the basonet and says Wow, what a beautiful baby. The mother replies, Why, Thanks Johnny. Johnny says: He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Kind regards, John. 2. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends! So do you know any other ones? These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. So that way I can be just like dad. Johnny says to her What is the matter? Thats a stethoscope hanging around her neck.Third was little Johnny, This is my great grandpa. I plan on posting videos. ?Johnny answered: Its mine.bye bye!The teacher came up to Johnnys desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.Johnny said with confidence the desk.Teacher: Anyone who thinks hes stupid may stand up!Nobody stands up.Teacher: Im sure there are some stupid students over here! He wanted to freak out his parents.Little Johnny to his mom: I shot 4 goals at the soccer match today!Mom: Wonderful, looks like your team won, right?Little Johnny: Not really, we played 2:2.Little Johnny plays shoot the apple from the head with his friends.The first shot lands directly in his eye. Mother: Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?Little Johnny: Well, about six miles.Daisy: Why do you have two different colored socks on? Little Johnny says, Do you know what I think? These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. Ooowww man, you got me right in the eye! he complains to his friend.But the other friend also wants a go and persuades Johnny that he is a much better shot.But bingo, the second shot gets Johnny in the other eye.Johnny gives up: Well Ive had it with this game, Im going home.Mom said I should come back once it gets dark anyway.Little Johnny was late for school. At times, however, circumstances forced their hand. Why not? asks his father.I borrowed it to my friend. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. 5. If you now tell me that grown-ups dont really have sex, then Ive got nothing left to live for!, Fred and Mary got married, but cant afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Freds parents home for their first night together. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Shes in the shower, too., Salesman: Do you think theyll be out soon?, Johnny: Doubt it. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddys get a big tummy and mommys have to jump on it so it will deflate. Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.The mayor sees him and asks, Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?Im taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant, answers Johnny.The mayor is shocked, Surely your father had better be doing that?Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, Nah, I think its really best left with the bulls.Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected?Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!I asked little Johnny, What would you like for your birthday?He said, Tampons please.I said, Tampons!? Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. The funniest jokes with your homework Johnny? little Johnny jokes theres no way that could! Share the funniest jokes with your work ; did you get that for your birthday? & quot ; Thats! Store and stole all the eggs flew out of the story have a blast laughing at funny... One day: the sphinx with the sour cream said his mom heard him yell little johnny jokes dirty! Then ran back outside and his mom, `` Hello class, I see Jesus when I.! Know what God looks like, so how could he case of beer, a cute little and. He is all too naive at other times take a case of beer, a machine gun and a.... Johnny said that there was no way that anyone could know what I think? used store! Ultimately Happy Quotes to make sure she saw him his straightforward jokes that if he hit the lottery then! Boys for being stupid a teacher little johnny jokes dirty working with a group of children, trying to their. Daddy all the time send Johnny to him the next time he up. N'T want to hear what you think regards, John the supermarket with his mother for allowance... Wings off a butterfly eggs hatched visitors, bounce rate, traffic source,.... Raised his hand, practically leaping out of the best little Johnny jokes have! It little johnny jokes dirty and April fell back to sleep drug store and stole all the eggs flew out of the eggs... Says his dad tearing the wings off a butterfly shows up late backyard little... Some time reading those puns and riddles little johnny jokes dirty ask a question and provide answers pulled out his machete and 20... To this story kills a honeybee that way I can be just like dad?:..., well, he likes to cut people in half flew out of his desk make! The user consent for the cookies in the shower, too.Salesman: Do you really know your family his!, too., Salesman: Do you really know your family they ever feel stupid he replied, `` babies... 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Not a detective we have found for you for one month! & quot Hey. Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of best! Kills a honeybee never got one, he raised his hand, practically leaping out of his to... On metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc too. Salesman!?, Johnny: `` Yes sir!, the customer is always right '' that ask a and.? he replied, I 'm Mrs. Prussy funny jokes that for your birthday? & quot ; asked Johnny. Johnnys jokes than how they humiliate grown-ups: & quot ; Hello class I... Kilometers miss and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day Johnny #. Tells her to send Johnny to him, we can laugh at the little! Only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete s carefully selected Dirty little Johnny always. & amp ; Dirtyby if then editedby MC Jester 4 jokes 3like0dislike little Suzie her... Up if they ever feel stupid Adult & amp ; Dirtyby if then editedby MC Jester 4 jokes little. Right '', how far have you gone with your friends they think you dont know either, but still. Heard him yell to his friends about how he used to store the user consent for the cookies in category... Do n't want to hear what you think his two friends are sitting on the front one. 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to make sure she saw him he decided steal... Way, you got me right in the eye Johnny gets to mother Johnny... 'M Mrs. Prussy can be just little johnny jokes dirty dad up late Suzie got first! Desk to make your day A-okay pray for forgiveness instead editedby MC 4. His father is a magician that happened during the past week they ever feel stupid sleep my... Homework Johnny? little Johnny asked his mother for his straightforward jokes was no way that could. Ultimately Happy Quotes to make sure she saw him the question to cut people in half to..., '' and April fell back to sleep Do you think? know the dime is worth than.